A number of small thoughts have been creeping in lately in terms of where I am going in the big picture. Much of it comes from being back at Swirnow, knowing full well there is no upward movement in that company and they are not at all known for great pay. Not to mention the amount of years I have to put back in again before I am allowed to have 3 weeks vacation. In addition to that, still being at 933 Palladi drive this long. What was once meant to just be a temporary spot until I could find a job / place closer to Arthur, has turned into 2.5 years.
Yes, that is all complaining about things I can change but haven’t made the big push yet to change them. To top it off, the long drawn out mess now with the minor fender bender in the blue Mazda wagon, has really drained me as I fought hard to keep the car. But, it appears as if I am getting screwed by auto insurance once again. So the next step is to get the nerve up and head over to my mothers to get all my audio equipment out of the wagon and make peace with saying good by to a trusty little friend that treated me pretty well for the last 5 years. Over that time, I put so much effort into lots of little upgrades and fun improvements. All of which are making it even harder to let go of the car. Once I am able to, I will be able to emotionally move on to the next daily driver and put a lot less abuse and mileage on the Rx8.
Last, and also a very important aspect of this feeling of stalling out, is the plateau that SSA has hit. So much money seems to keep leaking out, and not enough is coming back in. We are getting surpassed by little crappy start ups. I have to come to terms with agreeing with Mark on taking out a substantial business loan so we can move on to amplifiers and increase our product offerings. All of which will make the company more profitable and start to make it worth while. On the other hand, he is pressuring me to get all the numbers together so we can see the value of the company and potentially sell it. That is something I am not ready to do at all. But, if it is worth a lot more than I assume, and it sells, it does allow me huge breathing room for the future, the opportunity to go back to a read deal major career, all the while working just one job with a lot less stress overall.
I know I need to write more in my blog as I can see that putting this major things down on “paper” helps me more than I realize. All of the above is just hard decisions that have to be made that I have delayed upon. I have stalled in life and gotten complacent, but I have plenty of time to do something about it right now….
But first, a glass of red, the O’s game and a good night’s sleep.