Spoke a certain special person from my past yesterday. Was very surreal. 10 years ago….. The thoughts never went away.
Being told to "move on" by the same person that said she would spend the rest of her life with me not that long ago, is quite a rough thought process. So much wrong with this and having no control or say in how my life is changing in drastic measures is unbelievable. This is a self-centered string of actions that I had no idea someone that I had thought I loved and was lead to believe was a good person inside, was remotely capable of. Flat out baffling on all fronts. The best thing I think I can do is to continue to immerse myself into my job/SSA and have fun with Arthur while I can. He does not deserve this, not at all. This will negatively effect him for the rest of his life and I don’t know what I can do to stop this.
I know I should be using this on nearly a daily basis to help track my feelings and emotions as it can help a little. I have become astounded at how rude, cold, heartless, mean, cruel, demeaning and childish the actions towards me are. A few times now I have almost reached my breaking point and said screw this, I cannot take being treated like this anymore. I said months ago that there was going to be a point where pride would kick and end this. I fear it very close. Arthur means the world to me and not being able to see him 1/2 of time is just wrong. He and I are now really starting to build a good relationship. Little man is growing up so fast.