Weekend without Arthur

This was my first weekend with out Arthur during this mess.  I really miss him more then I thought I could.  I feel that since he knows something is wrong, he and I have gotten a little closer and have more fun together.  Since Friday was one of the first days in a while he had been good enough in school to get two signatures, when we got home we opened a toy from his present pile and played together with it.  Then when it was dinner time, we actually went up to Riverside and shared a pizza.  It was a nice night for the two of us.
Saturday, after he was picked up, I swong by my mothers house because my sister came up, and I had a little bit of time to sit down and tell her directly what is going on and the mess I am going through.  She is level headed and very responsible, so she won’t give me the stock rosey colored glasses response my mother tends to lean to.
After my mothers house, I went down to meet Adam in Annapolis, and we took his in-law’s boat out for some crabbing in the west river.  Was a great time, had some beers, caught and released about 10 crabs or so.  Then we took the boat up to a little water side resturant and ordered every crab item on the menu (after releasing bigger crabs that we just caught).  The weather was so nice and the sunset was great, I really wish little Arthur was there with me, but he is too young still to be on a boat in open water like that.
Today was mostly filled by a work out at my mothers gym, followed by the smallest lunch ever, and then off to see Inception with a little dinner at Outback right after.  During dinner, I got a call from Nationwide saying that it is all but done in terms of them totaling my Mercedes.  And oh by the way, as soon as they total it, I have to return the rental car.  So I will be with out a car.
So tomorrow will be the first of the three major shitty things to happen, first the car…. then in two weeks the job… then probably right after that the w….

Glaring signs

Here I am again having a beer, with the TV on in the background, at my mothers house on  a week night.  I miss Arthur so much.  Very sad saying goodbye to him for 2 days.  Either way, just living one day at a time.  Hoping the contract at work goes safely through and we are good to go for another year at least.  I will be updating my resume tomorrow, but not freaking out as I am so numb to the whole job mess now.
As for the title of the blog, not going to touch on it really, just saying that there are glaring signs and I need to act on them before it is too late.
brb going to get another beer…..
Ok, going to have to say, having a heavy duty workout followed by a healthy sub, and a beer later on at night really helps me relax and slightly get my mind off the daily challenges.  Note to self, Rolling Rock goes down really fast.
Ferdinand is doing good and is always super happy to see me when I open the door.  Strange to be 33 and walking a schnauzzer at 4808 Butler.
Really crossing my fingers that MTX has some good news for me and Mark, could change SSA forever.

All-Star game with a Margarita

Here I am again thinking about the things that are dominating my thoughts and existance, why trying to answer some messages and PM’s with the All-Starr game on in the background.  The other night I did poke around my old files on my mothers computer and I noticed some old journal/blog like files that I wrote in the mid 90’s.  Most of them were about how I was feeling about my relationships or a girl I was going after.  I no longer have the liberty to voice my deeper thoughts or stronger emotions via any recordable or storable media as it will be used against me or distorted and taken out of context or cause irrational emotions or reactions.  So I will just use this blog as a nice little release but will continue to keep things vague and generic as I always do.  Much easier to not talk about things that bother me, then have someone that was not intended to read it and attack with me with it.  Kind of sad that sitting on emotions or not really vocalizing them to much of anyone is safer and less damaging decision then actually expressing what I am feeling or going through.
Anyway, I miss little Arthur already and I hate not being with him everyday.  It really bothers me that being with my son full time is taken away from me.
On a positive note, I was able to complete the almost impossible at work with a deliverable that I turned in with 30 minutes to spare on Monday, and the mess with the damage of my car is going to be taken care of though insurance.
I have had a Kia Spectra as a rental car this past week and a half.  It is a trusty little car, that gets it done enough for my communting needs and plenty of space for Arthur and stuff in the back, not to mention gas is much cheaper.  Obviously not quite the highway sled that my car is, nor does it have the top end and smooth engine either.
Oh well, until the next time I am over here away from my son and my wife.

Life, or something like it.

It’s a Friday night, and I am chatting away on SSA chat.  The whole time, missing my son and thinking about my wife.  Doing everything I can to make the best of this.  Just trying to focus on taking it day by day and thinking about what makes me happy.  And right now, that is being around Ferdinand, listening to some great Jazz, and BS’s car audio stuffs in the SSA chat room.  I did take a few moments the other night to look through older pictures of me, about ten years ago, and I can see a major difference the look on my face.  No stress, no anxiety, just living in the now.  I would like to find that person, but I don’t think that is possible now with a career and a child that depends on me.  So the challenge is the happy medium and do it before someone else makes another decision with out me……